Welcome To The PalinDrome: Sarah Palin's Blog

They should really bottle the stupid

I don't mean to be rude, but these liberels are D-U-M-B.  On the site dailykos, there is some yahoo claiming that I am wrong about when the pledge of allegience was written.  I pointed out in 2006 that the pledge was written by our founding fathers in the 18th century.  Well, guess when it was written you dumba**es- in 1892. 

Word of advice liberels- GET A BRAIN. 

Foreign Policy

I have been getting a lot of guff from people saying I don't know about Foreign Policy. First, I really appreciate everyone who's been sticking up for me. They are right, Alaska is near Russia (we are right by Kamchatka, just like in Risk).  In fact sometimes I have to sign letters to them about who has been fishing too much (I still need to follow up about that, but it's under control).

The thing that nobody has pointed out though is that Alaska is also right by another country, Canada! We are pretty much surrounded in fact. But during my administration we have remained at peace. In fact after Todd won the 2007 Iron Dog Geraldine Van Bibber (she is in charge of Yukon) sent us a basket of maple candy, which I thought was very sweet of her.

Anyway I thought maybe if I wrote about it here people might get a better picture of what I know. Besides I am going to have to give a speech on Wednesday anyway, and I thought this would be a good chance to get a head start.  I showed it to John and he said it was good but that he might get his speechwriters to "punch it up." That's fine with me, I just need time to practice once they're done so that I don't get any countries mixed up.

Foreign Policy
by Sarah Palin

     Foreign Policy is an important part of the job of vice president. It means what you're going to make foreigners do, especially in Iraq.

     Iraq, officially the Republic of Iraq, is a country in Western Asia spanning most of the northwestern end of the Zagros mountain range, the eastern part of the Syrian Desert and the northern part of the Arabian Desert. It shares borders with Kuwait and Saudi Arabia to the south, Jordan to the west, Syria to the northwest, Turkey to the north, and Iran to the east. It has a very narrow section of coastline at Umm Qasr on the Persian Gulf. There are two major flowing rivers: the Tigris and the Euphrates. These provide Iraq with agriculturally capable land and contrast with the desert landscape that covers most of Western Asia.

     Iraq is in the Middle East, where there is a lot of oil.  However, some of the people there hate America. There are some countries nearby that love freedom and America (i.e. Saudi Arabia), but Iraq is not one of them, as proved by them electing Saddam Hussein. Most people think that he probably had something to do with 9-11, however it is now considered politically incorrect to say so out loud.

     America got rid of Saddam, however the people of Iraq are still ungrateful.  This makes Democrats sad, they want to leave Iraq. But President Bush wasn't looking for thank you's, he just wants to do what is right, which means we should stay in Iraq.  Something which MCCAIN/PALIN will do!

     Also near Iraq is Iran, a country that is run by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who also hates America. He is trying to get nucular weapons, which is something that North Korea is doing, too.  We can't let them get them!  This is why we are building a missile defense in Poland. Poland is an important ally in the war on terror.

     In conclusion, Foreign Policy is a complex but fascinating topic.

Bibliography

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iraq
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iran
3. http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/Issues/fdeb03a7-30b0-4ece-8e34-4c7ea83f11d8.htm

I Do Kneau! ; )

I got a great note of encouragement from my friend Teddy today! Everyone knows that Teddy's been a true friend to Alaska but he has also been a major help to me personally throughout my whole career, starting in 2006. I feel that as time goes by we have more and more in common. The liberals are investigating him and all I can say to that is Look, Teddy, this is Alaska after all! They're investigating me, too, it is what they live to do (investigate) but I am NOT backing down and I'm on the ticket with John McCain now, so you just keep your chin up. I will always stand by you!!

So thank you Teddy for this wonderful Alaska Wildlife E-Card! I am going to print it out and show it to John.

Awesome news for the day!

So, I was asking all of the campaign guys about the things that I will have to do as vice-president and they told me that at some point I will have to debate this Joe Biden guy on national TV.  I almost threw up when they told me that, but I calmed my self down and decided to find out some more about him so that I can totally win this debate (for those of you who are new to my web blog- I would like you to know that I am totally competative- as in I was the CAPTAIN of my state championship winning girls basketball team in high school- GO WARRIORS!!). 

Well, I found the best thing out and I am so excited I could pee.  It turns out that Joe Biden ran for president a long time ago, like 1983 or something, and had to leave the race when they discovered that he was a plagerist!  Can you believe that!!!!!!!  I cant wait to use that as a come back when we debate in a couple of months.  I can totally see it now-

Joe Biden- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah taxes Pakistan blah blah blah blah blah blah blah stem-cells apropriations blah blah blah blah blah

Me- Sorry Mr. Biden, but I wasn't listening.  I don't listen to people who used to have TWO WIVES!

I can totally see his face now!  Hes going to look all red and stuff when he relizes that I totally busted him in front of everyone.  It is gonna be awesome!  Stay tuned. 

A note to the hate America first crowd

Listen- I don't know what is wrong with all those liberels but they must of been drinking a ton of Haterade.  Sure, I went on a radio station and LMAO while the radio crew called a colleaugue of mine (and recent cancer survivor) a 'cancer' and 'bitch', but what these bagel eating* elitisits don't get is that these guys are part of the MORNING ZOO CREW.  Don't these left-wing crazies get that or do they not listen to their local ZOO CREW (and I thought I was supposed to be the one that was the backwoods hick! :-)  Anyways, to those uneducated rubes out their who don't listen to morning drive time radio, let me tell you about the roll the zoo crew is supposed to play

1. Talk about all the crazy parties they go to together where they meet some listeners and party
2. Tell the listener about the important news of the day, like what did Paris Hilton do, is Michel Moore still fat...
3. Play some Nickelback or Slipknot or anyone of those guys so that listeners can rock out a bit
4. Most importantly; BE HILARIOUS- they use sound effects, funny voices, prank calls, etc.   

That's why I was laughing- because that is what I was supposed to do.  Here is the clip- and you tell me how you can't find these guys funny.  Also, shout out to Bob and Dave at 106.5 K-Whale- no one rocks Anchorage harder in the morning than you guys!    

*BTW liberels don't try to label me an anti-semite, I have a friend who is jewish (HI MR. LIEBERMANN!!!) and I love Seinfeld.  so spare me your political correctness

we need your help!!!

Guest Blogger: Todd Palin

Hey everybody. The last 24 hrs have been crazy! Sarah and I really appreciate all the support but now we need you to put your money where your mouth is.

This is the 2009 Yamaha Apex RTX snowmobile. Its really awesome, its got titanium exhaust, 150 horse power and a ton of other stuff.  You should really click through and see for yourself, it is AMAZING.

What I am proposing is that you guys contribute and help us get this for the campaign.  I know it seems expensive ($11099 MSRP) but when you think about it if everybody just gives a little we can totally do this without anybody spending a lot of money.  It worked for that Dean guy and he turned out to be crazy, so it should totally work for us.

There is no doubt, this will totally help with my snowmobiling. I'm going to be up front about that, I don't want to bulls*** you.  But it can totally help the campaign too. You should let me explain, because Terry didnt understand at first either.

Actually it was kind of a whole big thing, Terry was really upset when I told him I was going to do this even tho Sarah was 100% behind the idea.  He said Mr. McCain would not want me to do this and so I'd better not. And I said well, I think I deserve to talk to Mr. McCain about it man to man, I've earned that much.  But Terry said Mr. McCain was napping and couldnt be disturbed, so we just kept yelling and Im shaking my head saying to myself you know I am gonna punch this guy. I know Sarah will be mad but I dont know what else to do, I am gonna lay this jacka** out.

Well thank God I didnt. Instead I explained that this wasnt just for me, it could be for the campaign. See I was planning to get my buddy Andy to airbrush "GIT ER DONE" on it, but then I thought no, lets put the campaign logo on it instead!  Or maybe we could have both.  Either way Andy could totally do that, and probably put like a wolf or an eagle underneath. And like maybe Sarah and Mr. McCain could be riding the wolf. That would be pretty sweet.

Anyway then I could ride it all over Alaska convincing people to vote for us.  Thats when I knew I was on to something, cause Terry started really paying attention.  Well how long would you be gone riding it for? he asked. And I said I dont know, I guess until your poll guys tell me we have enough votes in Alaska.

And then Terry said you know what Todd, I think thats a great idea. And we shook on it!  So we're totally cool, now I just need you guys help.  We can do this!!!!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Terry says nobody can give more than $2300 because of the rules. But if you want to just email me, I bet we can figure something out.

omg

Guest Blogger: Bristol Palin

i am so completely embarassed. thank god we have a long weekend because no way can i show my face in school tomorrow. turns out people have been talking shit about me on the internet. hey internet people: NEWS FLASH! just because i live in alaska doesn't mean i don't know how to use yahoo, and if you say shit about me i can totally track it down, okay????

anyways after mom got picked for VP i searched for my name and at first it was awesome because i found this group marry me bristol palin. that is so sweet guys!!!! xoxoxo.  ;-)

but then i found all these pages saying that trig is really my baby and my mom was covering for me by pretending he was hers. DUH people, you can tell this isn't true because obv if i had a baby i would not name him TRIG. omg what a lame name. i would name him ROCKY after my absolute favorite drummer, rocky gray from evanescence. GOD, get a life, internet people. go play WarsCrafts or whatever instead of talking shit about hot girls and thinking you are so cool just because you have a stupid BLOG.

please dont die please dont die please dont die

oh no. I just heard heard Charlie say that I'm "going to learn national security at the foot of the master for the next four years, and most doctors think that he'll be around at least that long." first of all, this campaign is weird. they call John the "master." And he always wants me to call him "sir." For years, I've been telling Todd I wouldnt do this sort of thing but now they're all, like, its a sign of respect, and i don't know if i should feel bad about saying no to todd or saying yes to them. But wait: they think John could die? In the next four years? Even Charlie does?

Im not supposed to say this anymore, but people, i ran a town thats about as big as a Biden family reunion. ive been governor of alaska for 19 months. Yesterday, somoene was talking about the asian flu and i figured we were talking health care so i said something about the importance of pharmaceutical research and it turned out they meant a central banking crisis and aspirin wasnt going to help. And John seems so distracted! I tried to talk to him last night but he sort of looked at me sadly and patted me on the back and told a story about how he never thought he was ready to get shot down and spend five years in a prison camp but human beings are capable of amazing things and i wanted to be all like "WTF YOU JUST HAD TO SIT THERE AND NOT LAUNCH NUCULAR BOMBS' and i know it was hard but its beside the point because what was he thinking!?!?!?!? Anyway, so i didnt say anything for a second and then it was clear that John hadn't quite fallen asleep, but it wasn't entirely clear where he was looking, and wherever it was, it wasnt at our conversation.

Okay Sarah. Calm down. on the bright side, steve came and took the tv out of my room and said i'd be better informed if i just looked at the campaign clippings and it turns out that people really like me! so thats nice. i like you too!

quote unquote "facts"

Okay you guys, I am really sorry to have to write this, because I wanted this blog to be about me sharing my journey with you, and also for it to be a resource for classes in the future that are learning about the first woman vice president.  But I feel like I can't just not say anything.

So there is this blog, it's called Sarah Palin Facts.  The first thing you should know is that these are NOT facts and I have nothing to do with it.  For instance I have never been on Survivor and I do not eat entrails (except for the venison sausage that Todd makes).  Also there is another one about the NFL, but I have nothing to do with the NFL! I played BASKETBALL--duh! I have to admit I don't understand a lot of the rest of them, I think they are about Star Wars?

I found it all pretty confusing, but then I ran into someone backstage at Dayton who explained it. I won't keep you in suspense, it was CHUCK NORRIS! Can you believe it? I use the Total Gym all the time, so this was really a thrill. Terry Nelson said Chuck has just been kind of hanging around since Mike Huckabee dropped out of the race (Mike is a dear btw, we always used to sing together at governors association karaoke).

I'm so glad Chuck was there. He said that some internet no-goodniks had done something similar to him, and that he didn't like it either but all you can do is laugh about it.  He said "what are you gonna do?" which I thought was so funny (I think it's from a Woody Allen movie?).  Anyway Chuck also said that I should cheer up, and that what they're doing to me seems like kind of a lame imitation of what they did to him.  So I guess he got the worst of it, and he seems to have held up alright!

It's a sad fact but there are a lot of people in this life who will try to tear you down just because they don't want to lift themselves up.  And I hate to mention him because Terry told me not to, but this is just like what they've done to President Bush, who is a good Christian man who deserves to be left alone!  I'm not angry I just think it's sad.

I'm trying to look on the bright side though. I just want you guys to know that this website is the only place you should come for the real facts about me.  Even ones that seem official, like my governors race site, might actually turn out to have things on them that are untrue, or which are true but you should ignore.  So just bookmark this one!

Whew, sorry about all that. I promise I'll get back to normal blogging soon!

Ugh

First day is just about over. YIPEE!!!! 

Good news- I met a lot of nice people and the hotel I am staying at has "JAG" reruns (I <3 Bud- weird, but he just does something to me- don't worry todd). ;->

Bad news- My "running mate" demands that I call him "Grandpa John" now, it's wierd, and SUPER creepy since he also likes to comment on my legs, but I figure that since he was a POW for like 5 years, who am I to question it.

Anyway...toodles from the VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE :-) (OMG!!!)